


It Could Just Be a Guy in a Costume

by orphan_account, unholyguacamole



Category: Scooby Doo - All Media Types, iCarly
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Other, Scooby Doo/iCarly go on a trip in the woods to find bigfoot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-14
Updated: 2015-11-14
Packaged: 2018-05-01 12:21:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5205683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account, https://archiveofourown.org/users/unholyguacamole/pseuds/unholyguacamole
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>bigfoot is not just a guy in a costume guys icarly will show you through velma and carly's lesbian love</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Could Just Be a Guy in a Costume

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter by unholyguacamole

"Bigfoot," the reporter repeated. "Could it just have been a guy in a costume?"  
"Maybe you're just a guy in a costume," Carly snapped back.  
"Actually, I am," replied her brother Spencer, who had just sauntered into the room.  
"Hush," Carly shushed him.  
"So, was it a hoax?" The reporter continued.  
"No."  
"Or was it Bigfoot?"  
"Yes. Discussion over." Carly flicked off the TV. Turning around on the couch, she eyed her older brother suspiciously. _Fuck you_ , she thought, _you're like twenty seven years old and you live with your twink sister in some messy ass loft and do nothing but eat ass to get your sculptures bought_. She didn't say this out loud, of course. She only thought it as she smiled painstakingly hard at him. Her eyes bulged out of her head.  
He looked at her. _He wanted to run. She would never let him leave. God help him._  
"Hi," Sam yelled at the top of her lungs as she barged into their two story loft that was driving them thousands of dollars in debt with her brother's pay as a failing artist.  
Carly turned back to the TV, pretending she wasn't just peeling her brother's eyelids off in her mind.  
"Take that, Mrs. Guntrell!" She yelled at the black screen.  
"Our fifth grade teacher?" Sam asked, slobber rolling down her chin. She was also dressed like a fucking moron. She looked like her mother, the demon Azazel, had dip dyed her with her special mix of pure homosexuality, bodily fluids, and goat cheese.  
"Yeah, don't you remember? We all had to write a report about a rare creature?" Carly was getting fed up with this stupid bitch too. She wanted to sew her pus-filled lips closed.  
"Oh, yeah. I wrote mine about that tall pygmy that dated my mom." Sam pulled out a rock from her pocket and started gnawing on it.  
"Tall pygmy?" Now this interested Carly. Pygmies were notorious for being amazing ass eaters. She's been looking for a new one ever since she executed her own mother.  
"They're very rare." _Well that was a fucking downer._  
"Well, I wrote my report on Bigfoot and I worked really hard on it. And then Mrs. Guntrell was all, "Bigfoot isn't real, so you get an 'F'. I'd like to give her an 'F'." She wasn't lying. She thought Mrs. Guntrell was the hottest woman in the nursing home, but she'd moved over to the morgue as she has died the day before. Carly would still eat that cold corpse pussy like dessert. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

"Hey, you guys." God damn it. That dick-licker Spencer was back. He was shaking his head very hard, jerking it up and down violently.  
"Wow, that's a pretty foxy dance there." This was obviously code for: _get the fuck out of my goddamn house before I use your penis for a hot dog._  
"It's not a dance. I went swimming at Socko's today and I got water in my ear." He noticed Sam's outfit. "Uh, what up with the 80's garb?"  
"These are costumes for an iCarly bit we were rehearsing. 'Till Carly saw a Bigfoot story on the news and went all "Weee-Ooo-Wooo-Dee-Wooo-Wooo" ( _I'm not the goddamned blue dildo box from doctor boob you ass crevice, Carly thought._ ) "You saw the Bigfoot video on the news. People fake chiz like that all the time."  
"Ah, is this about the 'F' you got from Mrs. Guntrell?" Fredward the soon-to-be deadward inquired.  
"Maybe." Carly responded.  
"Kid, there's no such thing as Bigfoot." Spencer decided to open his trap and butt the fuck in, even though nobody asked for his opinion. Carly smiled kindly at him as she imagined pulling his toenails off and making him ingest them. "Oh, but there is such a thing as the beavecoon?"  
"Yes, there sure is." Spencer hollered.  
"What's a beavecoon?" Sam asked. Carly wished she would take a shower. She smelled like rotten vagina.  
"A creature that lives in Spencer's diseased imagination." Carly answered, her voice deepening as she let the demons inside of her take a little bit of control.  
"I saw one with my own eyes." Spencer's toes whispered.  
"Don't tell the story," Carly threatened. She would cut his butt into fourths if he continued.  
"I was in the eight grade," he started. Carly knew his fate was now sealed, but let him continue. "My body was just starting to change... Coach Berferd took our whole class on a field trip to the Peckinpah Trail. Just as dusk fell, I saw it."  
"What?" Smelly Sam asked.  
Spencer's eyes grew beyond the size of Wembley Stadium literally. They were all floating in the gooey plasma of his inner eye. The vortex of his pupil would soon consume them all. "A beavecoon, a creature about yay wide and yay long." He showed the measurements with his crusty yellow colored hands. "It had the head of a beaver and the body of a raccoon."  
"The beavecoon," Freddie guessed, his tongue flicking his eyebrow as he became intrigued by the story.  
"Yes," Spencer continued, "and it looked at me and went..." He hissed, and shrieked. To the untrained ear, it may have sounded like forty geese being electrocuted. But to Carly, Sam, and Deaddie, it was a normal sound. This was because it is the sound Spencer made when he orgasmed. This happened every three and a half minutes precisely. In fact, it was happening now. That was not even the correct beavecoon noise.  
"There's no such thing as a beavecoon," Carly corrected him, shaving her eyebrows as she listened to the story.  
"Is to," Spencer defended himself.  
"There's no such thing as Bigfoot," Sam argued.  
"Then there's no such thing as tall pygmies," Carly yodeled.  
"You wanna see the videos of my mom and Gwooji?" Sam transformed into her fighting form- shaving cream.  
"Not at all. No way," Freddie backed out. He was weak. They all knew it. Natural selection was coming for him.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
_Later that week_  
iCarly is being filmed. Carly is about to interview a Bigfoot expert.  
"Okay, this past week, all over America, especially here in Seattle, people have been talking about one thing. Bigfoot. So now we're gonna bring out a scientist who's possibly the world's number one expert on Bigfoot." From stage left, Dr. Van Gurbin came out of the shadows.  
"Sit down there," the "news anchor" instructed. "So, thanks for being here, Dr. Van Gurbin."  
"Well, thank you for having me on," the bigfit man answered. At this point, Carly started masturbating furiously. "I know that lots of people think Bigfoot is a myth, but that's just because they haven't read my new book: Bigfoot: True or Real?"  
"Right. So, what'd you think about the recent Bigfoot sighting by those hikers in Mount Baker National Forest? Do you think it was real?"  
"Oh, I do. In fact, two years ago I predicted that Bigfoot would be spotted in that very location, and because Bigfoot usually comes out of hibernation during this time of the year." "You weren't popular as a kid, were you?" Sam asked. Carly gave her the nudge, signaling that she would stab her eyes out if she tried to play that game again."  
"No," Gerber responded.  
"So when's the first time you..." Carly trailed off as Spinster walked into the room. "Spencer? Uh...Sorry, Spencer just walked in for some reason," she apologized to the viewers.  
"Hi, sorry to interrupt," Spencer started. "Not sorry enough to not do it. Ha. Anyway, Dr. Van Gurbin, a question, if I may.  
"Uh, sure," Dr. Van Gurbin answered.  
"What do you know about the beavecoon?"  
"Oh, my God! Dude," Carly had had enough. This would be Spencer's last day on Earth.  
"Surely you've heard of it." he continued. "It has the head of a beaver and the body of a raccoon?"  
"Is this person supposed to be here?" The wise BigfootHoe asked.  
"He's my brother." Carly eyed the camera, as if she were on the office. Her expression conveyed centuries worth of inner torment.  
"Oh. Well, I'm sorry, But I am not familiar with a beavecoon."  
"But you're not denying that it exists."  
Carly butted in, trying to get her abomination of a sibling out of the fucking way. "And now, Sam and I will sing a little song called "Spencer's Leaving."  
♪ Spencer's leaving ♪  
♪ It's time for you to go ♪  
♪ So he's leaving ♪  
♪ He's leaving ♪  
♪ It's time for you to go away ♪  
"Sorry about the intrusion. Back to Bigfoot."  
"Right. So over the next few days, I'll be camping out in the northern outskirts of Mount Baker National Forest."  
"To get some hard evidence on Bigfoot?"  
"That's the dream. And you can read about that goddamned dream in my new book: Bigfoot: True or Real?"  
A portal to hell opened in the center of Carly's chest as the finale of that night's show.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"Okay, look," Carly answered, taking a bite out of her own leg. "I wanna prove that Bigfoot exists. You wanna find a beavecoon, and Sam wants to go to Robin's Weiners."  
"I do," Sam answered.  
"And?" Spencer barfed.  
"Doesn't Socko have an R.V.?"  
"You mean a recreational vehicle?"  
"Yes. He does."  
"So borrow it, and let's go up to Mount Baker National Forest."  
"You wanna?"  
"Yeah, c'mon."  
"Let's do it. Road trip. I'm in."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me if u want more u thirsty asss btiches


End file.
